Update: Court & Uncertainty

Well, our court day has come and gone, and exactly three weeks have passed by. That time has certainly been a roller coaster, a mental one if not necessarily an emotional one. Where to start?

I suppose we'll begin with the facts that are facing us at hand. The avenue we have been pursuing in court seems to have come to a dead end, and after copious amounts of research, it seems as if the avenues to all other forms of "relief" in court will inevitably also lead to dead ends. We at least now know our current lawyer is just inexperienced at best and incompetent at worst; the judge certainly made it clear that she thought it best that we find a more experienced lawyer, as our case is only getting more complicated. The judge's frustration was clearly evident, and it seems obvious to me that she wants to set us free, but her hands are tied by the "system," and as she said, it's a "damn shame." It was recommended that we contact a Congress member in our district, as there just doesn't seem to be a way directly out of court. She's given us a 9-month continuance to hopefully work something out, so we shall see how the next nine months go.

I felt so drained and promised myself that I wouldn't go into court with any expectations whatsoever, b/c I'm at the point where there's simply no more emotion left to give, no feelings left to have, and no hopes left to be dashed at the end of the day. It's miraculous and disheartening and simply pathetic that this summer marks the beginning of our 4th year in court.

Imagine spending three years of your life on trial; having your milestones not marked by celebrations, but by court dates; holding your breath for years wishing and hoping and DREAMing that something positive will happen, only to have your life turn blue in the face and run out of lung capacity; slowly breaking down the walls around yourself, becoming more open, making friends, laughing, living in the moment only to reach a point where you're silently screaming and you slowly rebuild the walls and willingly break the fragile threads that tie your relationships together.

Imagine not being able to plan for your own future or not knowing what new sorrows each day will bring.

Imagine not being able to remember the last time you were truly and completely happy.

Imagine not being the driver of the car down the road that is your life.

Imagine not being granted any control or say in your life, but still being held responsible for the unforeseen consequences that pass.

It's strange that I've now found a fragile peace and solace in the fact that things are the most uncertain now than they have ever been before. All this time I have been angry and fighting for what little control I could hope to have over this entire situation, but I'm tired of thinking and planning and researching and always being disappointed in the end. I know that at the end of the day, my mom and sister must stay here for the sake of my sister's health.

I have absolutely no idea how things will go from here, or where we'll live, or how I'll pay for school, or how I'll feel from here on out, but I know that instead of bowing down to uncertainty, I must face it head-on from this point forward. My mom is an incredibly strong woman, but even she's beginning to break under the pressure of our situation. I feel I have to pick up the slack in a lot of ways - managing our court situation, finishing school, finding work, personal relationships, advocating for the passage of DREAM - and I'm hoping that I will be ready to do so this summer. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

I am tired of being stepped on and pushed over; tired of my voice being silenced. Thus, I think I'm finally ready to say - I have chosen to stay and fight.

Update: Dreams in Decline

It's hard to believe that a year and a half has passed since I first started this blog. So much, but so little, has happened in that period of time, so here's a summary of events.

1. Fall 2005 was my senior year in high school, and things were going relatively well. I had a strong academics background and was planning on appyling to great schools, most of which were out of state. During Thanksgiving, while filling out college applications, I came across a common Dreamie problem (before I knew I was a Dreamie): I was neither a citizen nor a permanent resident nor an international student, so what box was I to check? Immigration was never really discussed in our family, and so all I knew and what I told people, was that our status was "pending," which was tecnhincally true. Hurricanes Rita and Katrina hit, resulting in a horrible 3 hour drive that should have taken 15 minutes. New Orleans is underwater and Houston opens its arms.
2. Spring 2006 was my last semester as a high school student, and also my hardest semester. I applied to state schools once I found out about HB 1403 in Texas and got in. A medical problem at the beginning of the semester forced me to miss a lot of school, to the point where I was at risk of not graduating. There were MRIs, neurological consults, and numerous prescriptions to deal with. Once that died down, another problem arose: Our petition that had been pending all this time was denied. I began looking into international university options, but my immigration status here, or lack thereof, made the transition seem very difficult, if not impossible. My calculus teacher sang the "O Canada" song to me to cheer me up, but it only makes me sad thinking about it now. Multiple visits to our high school's Career Center made me realize how many scholarhsips I qualified for but could not apply for b/c of my status. I had to downgrade my dreams, but we settled on me staying in the city so I could live at home and still go to school. I did receive an Academic Excellence scholarship for about half of my costs, so I was grateful. I graduated from high school in the top 1% of my class, something I'm prouder of now than I think I was then.
3. Summer 2006: We received a Notice to Appear in immigration court because our petition had been denied and we had overstayed our visas waiting for the petition result. This was the first summer of uncertainty, the first of many. Because of an influx of Hurricane Katrina victims, our apartment complex informed us that we'd have to move out. The apartment complex down the street we planned to move into had a mix-up, and there was a month delay. We had nowhere to stay, so we moved our stuff into storage and used a $1,500 local scholarship I'd received to pay for a motel and food for a month. When I wasn't working, I googled all summer, learning the ins and outs of the immigration court system. This is also the summer I learned about the DREAM Act and joined DAP. I remember my elation at having found other people who related to what I was going through, and how close I am to some of those people to this day. This was also I think our first time in court: an unassuming little brick building in a nice neighborhood downtown. The building that changed lives.
4. Fall 2006: My first time in college. My first time commuting an hour each way in one of the largest cities in the U.S. My first time holding down 2 jobs while attending school full time. The first time, and last time I believe, in my life I got a C in a class, English of all things. The first, and last, time that my GPA was lower than the 3.5 needed to make the Dean's list. Nightmares about immigration and ICE. The time I think I slowly began to unravel, slowly began to lose my grip. Another court date, another continuance.
5. Spring 2007: More of the same. Panic attacks. Quit one job because I was so worn out. Decided I wanted to be a math major. The Freshman 15 is no joke.
6. Summer 2007: More work. A in Calculus III. Another court date somewhere in here. 
7. Fall 2007: Math major getting increasingly difficult. Another court date. Sucky lawyer takes over our case. The sad demise of the DREAM Act. Papa Durbin. Decided to be a double major in Math and Finance. Finally reached 5'2". 
8. Spring 2008: Intermediate Macroeconomics inspired me to major in Economics. Dreamed I could actually triple-major for a second. Bad thing #1 happened - back on medication for a while. Doctors find a para-spinal cyst in an X-ray of my little sister. 
9. Summer 2008: Surgeon consultations for the cyst. Options seem to be either going in with a scope or a full opening of her chest cavity. Our pediatrician doesn't think she'll survive a full chest surgery, so scope it is. 
10. Fall 2008: New most horrible semester. One week before the semester begins, the school revokes my academic scholarship, ex post facto, b/c of a new policy of only offering scholarships to citizens and permanent residents. Instead of being rewarded for hard work, I was being punished for lack of a piece of paper. Bad thing #2 happens and I'm lucky to be alive. A week later, my sister has surgery and the cyst is removed. A few days later, complications arise and she's sent to Pediatric Intensive Care and put on a ventilator. Hard to deal with - her chest tube, the machine that's breathing for her, the pain she's in, and all the other families with sick kids in the waiting room. A little more than a week later and she's thankfully breathing on her own, and eventually we get to go home. Hurricane Ike and our city is hurting, but eventually pulls through. Galveston is devastated; almost entirely wiped out. 
11. Spring 2009: Most challenging semester yet academically. Maybe I want a Ph.D. in Economics. I join a club and let myself stop worrying so much about immigration. I even semi-make some friends. Boy crush...or two...or three. Start tutoring. Feel for the first time that the world is my oyster. Hope to study abroad in New Zealand. Court in April - we feel so close but the immigration lawyer reveals she intends to reserve appeal if the judge sides with us. ICE pays visit to people involved in our case in May. Sucky lawyer is uncooperative, and new lawyers cost thousands of dollars. Still hoping to find a job this summer, but immigration is eating up all of our money. Court next Wednesday, May 27th. The world is no longer my oyster. No longer feels as if this too shall pass. 

Life, or Something Like It

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
-Eleanor Roosevelt

The DREAM Act. Also known as the Love Act, the Hope Act, the Life Act, the Laugh Act, the Breathe Act, the Be Act, the Free Act, and so on. These are all things we would truly be able to have if the DREAM Act were passed. But you think, silly girl, laughter knows no bounds. Neither does love, or hope, or life or any of these things. These are all things you can do now; immigration isn't stopping you. Ah, au contraire, mon frere.

This battle is not simply over just a piece of paper, but the things that piece of paper represents. You see, without that piece of paper, living life is simply hard to do. You are suddenly not 100% human, as if humanity is something that can be rationed. Suddenly, your voice is harder to hear, as if expression is something to be looked down on. Your face is ripped of its defining features, as if your identity is something to be erased and forgotten. Slowly but surely, faced with rejection day by day, pieces of your being are torn away, until nothing is left but your body, now an empty shell.

Tell me how do you love when love has been denied to you? How do you live when your fate rests in someone else's hands? How do you laugh when your voice has been silenced? How do you hope when your future seems bleak at best? How do you jump, shout, play, or dance? How do you be when your very being is on trial?

This is about more than just a piece of paper. This is about the sanctity of life. This is about human beings - young, eager, promising human beings asking for nothing more than control of their lives back. This battle knows no color, no race, no nationality. It is life we ask for, and that is all.

All for an insignificant piece of paper. What a shame.

The Imaginary Line Between Here and Nowhere

I know this is coming also, so I might as well address it now. There are those of the school of thought that, well if these kids really deserve to be here they should wait in the back of the line like everyone else. Ah, the logic. Too bad there is no line. Gasp! Blasphemy she speaks, right? No...if we could independently detach ourselves from the status we derived from our parents and legally immigrate, well...I wouldn't be here now would I?

The main avenues to immigrate to the U.S. are through family sponsorship and employment sponsorship. Don't believe me? Click here and be amazed! The (practically) only other ways are through a diversity visa program or investment. So let's see: If a talented person is unlucky enough to not have immediate relatives in the U.S., sucks to be them. If that same person wanted to go into a well-developed profession b/c they were really good, good luck finding an employer who'll take time out of their busy schedule and bend over backwards for you. That person can't apply for the lottery if they're already here, so that's out. And it'd be safe to say said person doesn't have a million dollars to invest in the U.S. economy. So tell me, where's the line?

The U.S. immigration system isn't based on skill; rather it is mainly based on pure luck, which some very talented people are unfortunate enough to be missing. If there was a point system based on education level and skill, it'd be an entirely different story. Then instead of admitting in possible murders and terrorists and rapists who are lucky enough to have family connections, the U.S. could filter out people based on merit, skill level, and intelligence, reasonable skills for a booming nation to want in an immigrant.

Of course there are wonderful people who are admitted legally; I'm not attempting to detract from that. I am rather trying to point out that, if given that opportunity, I would have chosen the legal way also. But that opportunity is not even there today, just like it wasn't there for me when someone made a decision for the 6 year-old me.

Instead of focusing on the elephant in the room and revamping the immigration system of the U.S., people just complain, and complain, and point fingers, and complain more. What is this accomplishing? So before you wonder about this so-called line we're supposed to get to the back of, you might want to create one first. Just a thought.

http://blogs.usatoday.com/oped/2007/06/post_18.html

Pieces of Me

I suppose a tad about me is in order. I am an undocumented college student. I came legally on a visa to the U.S. when I was six years old from the Republic of Nigeria. But wait, I know what you're thinking: She's not Hispanic! No, I'm not, I am 100% Nigerian, and contrary to popular belief, the face of the undocumented is more United Nations than Latin American. We'll be doing a lot of this debunking myths stuff, so be prepared. Somewhere along the way, my family fell out of status, and here we are today.

As of now, the passage of the Dream Act is my only realistic hope. My story differs from a lot of other DREAMies in a few ways. The biggest dividing factor, and the most unfortunate one, is that my family, myself included, is currently in removal proceedings. I know that puts a smile on the face of many an anti-immigrant out there, but to each his own because I know some people will always see things from that perspective, even when faced with the facts.

More myth-busting: I speak English perfectly well, seeing as English is the official language of Nigeria. On a side note, notice I didn't say "my home country" or "my native country," as those are titles I would give to the U.S. Nigeria is the place that I happened to be born in; other than that, I don't feel a part of the history or culture of that country. Back on point, I started in the U.S. in a "gifted & talented" program in the second grade. I graduated in the top 1 percent of my high school class 2 years ago, 9th out of a class of 1,000. I'm currently a sophomore in college, and am majoring in math, finance, and economics. I don't mean that in a gloating manner, but I am trying to prove a point.

I know what some of you may be thinking: If she's so smart, why doesn't she go back to that country of hers and put her brain to good use then? There are tons of answers to that question. Another country presents a different educational system, a different culture, different languages, and practically a whole different world. Just because someone was raised to be successful in American culture does not mean they'll succeed anywhere they go in the world. Second of all, my "skills" would be useless back home, as values are very different across the world regarding what makes a young person promising or successful. The fields that I'm interested in, actuarial science and finance, are not in any way developed there. Then there's society. I have enough trouble relating to my own mother about customs and traditions, what's appropriate to say or wear or do and what isn't in our culture. I wouldn't be able to survive in a society with such a different mindset from mine.

I could go on and on, but it boils down to this: This is my home, and you can agree or disagree with me, but that is my truth. If you met me, you would never guess my "big secret." I know the pledge of allegiance in 3 languages, and if you give me time, probably even backwards. I know every single word to the Star-Spangled Banner, though I won't be on American Idol anytime soon. I could tell you the Preamble to the U.S. Constitution, or the opening paragraph of Abraham Lincoln's Gettysburg Address. I'm somewhat of a history buff, as in U.S. history, because it is my history also. The first six years of my life are blank in my mind; my life as I know it, and literally remember it, has always been here. Goes to show how much you really know about the undocumented doesn't it?

My life these days is consumed with thoughts of being deported, as it is now a very sickening reality. I feel stuck in neutral: there's no means to look forward and no use looking back. My goal is to persuade you that, whatever your views are on immigration, the DREAM Act is vital. Yes, I said VITAL. Look past the big, controversial issue that is immigration and see the true issue at hand: human beings punished on a daily basis for a decision they did not make for themselves. How is that even morally sound, or constitutional? If a man robbed a bank, got caught, and happened to be so great a role model that he brought his young son along, would the kid be sent to jail also? That is exactly the case here - What did I, as my own person, do wrong? Exactly what crime, on the record books, did I commit? I'd love to know.